Here is my tell-all about real Ostrand life
with three fabulous little girls.
THE GOOD
It’s true...my life is exhausting. Probably
not any more than another mother in this stage...but let me just say I LOVE our
7 pm bedtimes for all 3 girls! You heard
that right (6:45 on occasion...don’t judge me!).
My
current highlights:
Adison
Rose (17 months) - is more active and more “into
everything” and more “I need my mother now” than my other children two
combined. Oh my soul!
ADI ROSE- SHORT VIDEO CLIPS (click below title to view):
Emme
(5 years) – her favorite phrase that she must say
at least 40 times a day is “I need help.” (we are so proud she has a 3 word
sentence now!).
She knows about 200 signs with words and loves to choose someone to “teach signs” to. She will carefully select a person, climb up on their lap, and start by signing “friend.” She also loves to sing but does NOT want...
She knows about 200 signs with words and loves to choose someone to “teach signs” to. She will carefully select a person, climb up on their lap, and start by signing “friend.” She also loves to sing but does NOT want...
1) for you to sing along with her - don’t
think it’s your voice – she only likes her own or a professionals - or maybe it IS your voice :-)
2) you to video her singing (this always
ends in “No! No! No!)
EMME - SHORT VIDEO CLIPS (click below title to view):
Jensen
(7 years) – Lost her first tooth, loves riding the “special
needs” bus with her sister to school and has decided she will stay in America
while we go back to Africa.
I said, “But darling...won’t you miss your mother?” She said, “Don’t worry mom...I can write you letters!” (when has she ever written a letter in her life?)
I said, “But darling...won’t you miss your mother?” She said, “Don’t worry mom...I can write you letters!” (when has she ever written a letter in her life?)
JENSEN - SHORT VIDEO CLIPS (click below title to view):
THE BAD
Sometimes hard things happen to our kids.
No one wants to play with them at recess, the teacher scolded them, they didn’t
get invited to the birthday party, their friend didn’t want to play the same
game they did, they tried their best but still failed the test, etc.
As moms...we wonder how we can comfort our
kids – while at the same time speaking truth about how they can overcome this particular
challenge.
I heard about a technique that works well
for war veterans who are victims of PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder), but
can work for anyone who has gone through something difficult. It’s called “mirroring
neutrons.” I tried it on Jensen and was amazed! (Source: Sapphire Leadership Group’s PTSD – Restoring Dignity and Hope )
The concept is that someone who has gone
through a similar difficulty and overcome it...can actually help you build new
pathways in your brain to overcome your pain – in ways that you could not accomplish
on your own!
The chemistry in your brain can actually change – pulling you out of PTSD faster – or helping your 7 year old de-tangle new emotions about having a sister with Down syndrome.
The chemistry in your brain can actually change – pulling you out of PTSD faster – or helping your 7 year old de-tangle new emotions about having a sister with Down syndrome.
Here’s
an example and steps...
1. You are war veteran severely
depressed because you lost your leg
2. Find a person willing to sit
down with you for coffee who has experienced a severe loss and overcome the
pain. This could be anyone – the loss does not need to be similar and does not need to be someone you know really well (just need someone willing to help you out!). For example, it could be a mom in MAD (Mother’s Against Drunk Driving) who lost her teenage son 10 years ago and has
worked through that loss.
3. Tell your story about the loss
of your leg until you feel she has connected with your pain and understood your
feelings on a deep level
4. Listen to her story of loss and
hear how she worked through her feelings and overcame her pain. Look her in the
eye and connect with her emotions and story.
As simple as that sounds...it works!
So I tried it! Jensen came to me a few weeks ago,
distraught for the first time about having a sister with Down syndrome.
There are so many great things about Emme – that I don’t think Jensen was ever faced with something that deeply bothered her about it. She had been hanging out with her cousin Ava (her age) and noticed how easy it was to talk and communicate with her younger sister (3 year old Alea). Jensen was shocked to see how someone else’s little sister, Alea, could so easily communicate, play house or even hold hands and skip across the street.
There are so many great things about Emme – that I don’t think Jensen was ever faced with something that deeply bothered her about it. She had been hanging out with her cousin Ava (her age) and noticed how easy it was to talk and communicate with her younger sister (3 year old Alea). Jensen was shocked to see how someone else’s little sister, Alea, could so easily communicate, play house or even hold hands and skip across the street.
Jensen and Emme play so well together –
that I often forget how different it is for Jensen than playing with other
typical kids.
Jensen tearfully said that night, “But
mom! Emme can’t talk to me and it’s hard
to play games together. She doesn't
understand me!”
I listened to everything Jensen had to say
and encouraged her tell me more – until I felt sure Jensen sensed I really
understood her pain.
I didn't try to change the subject, or tell her to get over it or look on the bright side.
I didn't try to change the subject, or tell her to get over it or look on the bright side.
Then, when she had told me everything, for
the first time I told her my story of when Emme was born.
I said, “Jensen, when I had Emme in my
tummy...we didn't know she had Down syndrome.
We were so excited to meet our baby girl! The doctor seemed concerned that she was
small, but mama wasn't worried. I
thought those doctors were being silly (those doctors were actually close to labeling me “non-compliant” in my
medical file because I really did think they were being way too dramatic)!
Then they had to take her out so fast by
cutting open my tummy a whole month early...because her heart wasn't working so
good. The nurse told daddy that she had
Down syndrome. Daddy was so surprised he
almost fainted! One of Emme’s legs was
as white as paper and the cord was wrapped around her neck three times. We were worried!
When mommy was in the recovery room waiting
to see Emme, she told her nurse (good friend Sara Nylin). “I’m just worried the
kids at school will make fun of her!” Then I cried really hard! I was so sad!
That night I was in the NICU – a special place
for babies who need nurses to take care of them. I was sitting by Emme’s little bed and I felt
Jesus come over sit beside me. With an
excited smile he said, “How do you like your gift?” And from that moment on....I knew that no
matter what happened and even it was going to be hard – Emme would always be an
amazing gift to our family.”
Jensen listened carefully to my whole story
and asked a few questions. But I could
tell it resounded with her spirit.
My take-away for moms? I guess this is what we moms have always known - but now science confirms it. When your child comes to you with deep pain –
listen well to every detail. Make them
feel understood. Then reach back and tell them your story. Be honest with how you felt with a similar pain
and how you overcame it. You will physically change your child's brain’s ability to
deal with life that can be harsh!
THE UGLY (3 CONFESSIONS)
Confession
#1: It’s true. Adison Rose broke her leg and it’s entirely my fault due to a should-definitely-know-better-rookie-mistake.
I wish I had a better story. I was changing her diaper and I could hear
Jensen in the other room, screaming and on the verge of waking up my friend’s
sleeping son (in my book – nothing is worse than waking a happily sleeping
baby...except now maybe breaking a baby’s leg. Doh!)
Without thinking, I ran to the door of the
room and yelled, “Jensen! Quiet!” In that 5 second time period, Adi rolled off
the edge and landed with a thud on the carpeted floor.
She only cried for a few moments, and I
counted myself very lucky she was OK.
However...the next day...when she still wouldn’t let me put her down
without screeching in horror, we knew was something was wrong. The doctor confirmed our fears...a broken
leg. She was in a hot pink cast for 3
weeks and walked around quite enthusiastically...thumping her little cast as
she trotted along like a pirate. She’s
unstoppable!
The worst part? Everywhere we would go people would wonder (and
often ask) what happened. Of course I
had to confess and relive the shame of some serious shady parenting
Confession
#2: None of my girls drink milk. Not
whole...not 2%...not skim. Shhhh! I tried at first with all of
them...making way too chocolately milk several times a day for Jensen. It was more like chocolate syrup with a dash
of milk.
After one or two pathetic attempts with Adi
– I switched to a no sugar veg/fruit juice with flax seed oil added (for the
fats that are supposed to help with baby brain development). Many people are disturbed by this. I used to be a tall-glass-of-milk-with-every-meal
kind of girl till I realized dairy could kill you. Despite my secretly held beliefs in the
perils of dairy, it’s very embarrassing
when Jensen goes to her friends houses and proudly informs them, “I don’t drink
milk. My mom says it’s bad for you.”
What kind of mother could think milk was bad for you? Obviously the kind who lets her baby break her leg!
What kind of mother could think milk was bad for you? Obviously the kind who lets her baby break her leg!
Confession
#3: My kid is the one who told your kid there is no Santa Clause.
In my defense...we decided to go with the
whole Santa Clause thing and it was quite fun for a few years. Then last year out of the blue (and no where
near the Christmas season), Jensen says to me, “Is Santa Clause real?” I say, “What
do you think?” She says, “Yes!” I say, “Well there you go!” “Is he really, mom?”
And this went back and forth for some time.
Then she says that same afternoon, “Is
Jesus real?”
Now I had a problem. There are some serious similarities between
Santa and Jesus in the mind of a 6 year old.
1). You can’t see them
2) Both have important roles at Christmas
3) Both “can see you when you’re
sleeping...know when you’re awake...see if you’ve been bad or good so be good
for goodness sake!”
She was connecting the two and I honestly
didn’t want her questioning Jesus. So I
told her the truth...quickly to follow was the fall of princesses, the Easter
bunny and the tooth fairy.
I’ve made her promise not to tell a soul
and I’ve seen her play along with the fun in front of her friends. But let me say it now...I’m so sorry if she
tells your kid! I have become THAT mom!
