Miscarriage and Cancer - Opening My Hand

Well…it’s been a roller coaster.  In the past few weeks I turned 40, found out I have skin cancer and experienced the miscarriage of our 4^th child.

I am learning how to open my hand to the gifts He gives - to see them as gifts...even when I don't like the wrapping paper.

Please watch this VLOG (video blog) for some VERY HONEST talk – the pain and the joy of this loss.  I share about what it was like to experience a miscarriage, how we have celebrated his life and other "gifts" I was not willing to see as "gifts."

Also, we felt our child was a boy and named him David Paul.  We had a memorial service for him on November 2, 2013 and asked our family to join us. Here here are some things each person shared:

For David Paul: A Poem From Mama

Every night

I spoke to you in hope

Cradled dreams

A life without scope

I loved every finger

Each tiny toe

Your heart was beating

So fast...then too slow

I carried you

Wrapped in the darkness of my womb

But now He carries me

You're wrapped in the lightness of heaven's room

I know your smile

And see your face

The road seems long

But I feel His grace

My true joy

Is in the empty tomb

Death has not won

We will meet soon

So Good Bye for now

My David Paul

The pain is deep

But this is not all

A thousand years

From this Day

We'll sit on that celestial shore

And marvel at His Perfect Way

- Your mama

Scripture from your father

A note from your sister Jensen

Thoughts sent from my brother and his family (living in the Middle East)

Jaden: I know you will be waiting in heaven to meet all of us. We can't wait to meet you.

Jett: I think you would have been a wonderful boy and I would have been your friend.

Ava: The Lord loves you and your baby. You will have a great time in heaven. I'll see you there later.

Alea: I will hold you in heaven.

A Letter from Aunt Erin:

Dear David Paul, 

These days I find myself getting through the day by imaging what heaven will be like. Lately, I've been imagining what it will be like to have our entire family together ...in heaven...with no goodbyes. Goodbyes are my least favorite. I can't wait to all be together, as one family, in heaven, never again needing to say goodbye. 

I can't wait to meet you and learn about your personality. Please know that you are so loved. We will have many adventures together! It's very special to know you are in heaven waiting for your family to arrive. We love you so much and can't wait for the day when we are united for eternity.

Love you!

Aunt Erin 

Psalm for David (written by Uncle Ken)

The Lord is my guide, my storyteller,

Who helps man to see in the dark,

Who gives understanding in chaos,

Peace, in the valley of the shadow,

He paints His wonders on the Earth,

Making beauty from dust,

And glory from the void.

He lifts my spirit with His Spirit,

From the womb He bore me,

Up on the wings of Eagles I flew,

He carried me from the land of the living,

To the Kingdom of warming light,

Where men dream Gods' dreams,

And walk once again in the cool of the day,

Unafraid, while the dew is till on the roses. 

He places his arms around me, in His lap,

On His knee I sit, still with awe and wonder,

Listening to His Great Story, and,

Waiting for end of the age,

When I will see them, hear them, hold them,

My dear ones, the Lord's anointed,

Face to face.

- Uncle Ken

A letter from my father (Bompa)

A letter from my mother (Grammy)

Scriptures from Karl’s mother (Mimi)

Scriptures from Karl’s father (Ppop)

We put everyone’s letter – along with our precious baby in a tiny casket Jensen decorated – in this jar and buried him in my parent’s back yard.

We love you, David Paul!

Celebration

I just cannot resist a good party. Even when the skies turn dark and the road seems relentlessly long...we choose celebration.

Celebrating Birthdays




Adison Rose recently turned 1 years old!  She is on a mission. She has places to go, people to see, parties to attend. 

Emme turned 5 years old. Emme’s favorite thing to do in the whole world is listen to music – particularly worship music.  So for her 5th birthday....friends joined us for a time of singing worship songs and praying over her.

Celebrating God Creating New Life - Boy or Girl?


One of my Ocean View girls is having a baby so we did one of those “Gender Cake Reveal Parties” (where you find out if you are having a boy or girl by cutting into the cake – the frosting inside reveals the gender of the baby – blue for boy and pink for girl).

Celebrating Down Syndrome




We visited Jensen’s class and explained what it means to have Down syndrome.   We talked about how Emme is a gift, God’s princess, and talked about princesses.

Celebrating Life in the Midst of Cancer
We are back in the states right now spending time with Karl’s mom as she battles cancer.  We are celebrating life together as a family and the goodness of the Lord in the midst of life’s difficult times.

Did you know there are 59 parties referenced in the Bible?

Jensen is the girl in our family who loves parties the MOST!  We believe God has put a love for parties in her heart – so I am going through the process of recording all the scriptures about feasts for her to listen to.

Note: For Emme we are focusing on music and for Adi on movement.


I've been surprised at all the party drama in the Bible!  Especially in the first 5 parties...

1st party (weaning) – The first party recorded in the Bible was the one Abraham threw when Sarah weaned Isaac.  I’m sure it was quite the event! Sarah was 90 years old when she gave birth – and weaned him a few years after that. 

The party drama was that Ishmael  - his older half brother who was around 16 or 17 years old started making fun of his 2-3 year old brother.  Sarah was pretty mad about it and made Abraham send Ishmael away – into the desert with his mother and one bottle of water. Seems a little harsh. God took care of Ishmael though and promised to turn him into a great nation.  Ishmael is the father of Arab nations – most of whom are Muslim. (Genesis 21)

2nd party (for out of town guests)–  Isaac was hanging out with the Philistines and they were pretty nice to him.  They let him have land and the Philistine king even told everyone not to touch Isaac’s wife (apparently she was incredibly beautiful). Eventually they got jealous that God had blessed Isaac’s land and flocks so much- so they sent him away. 

After a while though they came and found him and said, “So...uh..yeah. We know we sent you away but that was probably a bad idea because it’s obvious you’re one of God’s favorite people and He blesses you. So will you please promise not to hurt us?"

Isaac agreed not to hurt them and threw them a little “friendship party.” (Genesis 26)

3rd party (wedding) – This is a pretty famous party...a wedding actually. Jacob had worked seven years in order to marry the outrageously gorgeous Rachel.  His father-in-law tricked him and disguised the not-so-beautiful older sister as the bride.  He didn’t realize till after he "sealed the deal" that he had married Leah instead. Doh! (Genesis 29)

4th  party (birthday party) – Just as Joseph had dreamed, on Pharaoh’s birthday he threw a party for himself and gave the chief wine taster his job back (but decided to hang the chief baker).  That party eventually led to Joseph’s release from prison and position as Pharaoh’s right hand man. Parties come in handy!  (Genesis 40)

5th party (family reunion) – Joseph threw a party for his long lost brothers.  Then he hid his silver cup in one of his brothers’ sack of grain and accused him of stealing. A bit of dramatic end to a nice little family reunion. (Genesis 43)

We can learn a lot from parties in the Bible!

      1.   It’s really not nice to make fun of people at their own party – it  may get you thrown into the dessert with one bottle of water
      2.   When God blesses you, even your enemies notice and want to get invited to your parties.
      3.   Double-check to make sure you have the right bride (so many implications here)
      4.   Dreams do come true
      5.   Try not to leave the festivities with any party favours that aren't yours

I believe it’s very powerful to read (or record) for our children stories from the Bible based on their passions. God has made each of our children different!  Sowing God’s word into their hearts will have a large impact on the rest of their lives and how they use their gifts.