My Secret Plan to Quit

A few weeks ago our group set out to climb Chapman’s Peak.

To say I “climbed” would be a gross exaggeration. To say I “hiked” is pushing it. It’s kind of like I walked – but with MANY breaks to “view the scenery” (aka try to tell myself I wasn’t going to DIE from severe heart failure at that very moment).

our hiking party (before we got to the trail)

Seriously – it was sad.

There were 10 of us in our hiking party and literally 3 minutes into it I thought, “There is absolutely NO way I am ever going to make it to the top of this ridiculously large rock at this mind-blowing pace.” (which I’m sure was just normal walking for the average person). Nonchalantly I moved from the middle of our group to the back.

Quickly I formulated my escape plan – I would linger toward the end of our single-file line…and when it looked like the person in front of me was the least bit distracted I would say “You know, I think I’ll just head back down and have Karl pick me up.” (Karl was home with the girls so I could go on the hike).

This is about the point where I formulated
my plan to defect from the group
(the smile on my face is because I know I only
have about 2 more minutes of torture)

I tried to find the perfect moment to implement my secret plan to quit – but I didn’t count on the resolve of this group to see us all to the top. Much to my immediate annoyance, they wouldn’t let me quit. I tried from several different angles – but with no luck.

So, we split into 2 groups. The first we-are-super-fast-hikers-and-more-in-shape-than-I-could-hope-to-be-in-a-lifetime group and the second slower group (who pretended to not be in a hurry so I would feel less like a very dilapidated old lady).

I think they had seen too many nature shows – and didn’t want me to get picked off like the weak-link in the animal heard. You know…the zebra with a gash in its leg – lagging behind the group – just waiting to be cheetah chow.

the group that wouldn't let me quit

At any rate – the top seemed impossible, but somehow this team talked me to the peak.

And it was beautiful!

I had a new perspective – on where our township (Ocean View) stood on the landscape, on the beauty of Cape Town, on the fact that I actually didn’t die a slow and painful death right there on the trail in full view of unsuspecting nature-lovers. It really was amazing.

almost to the top

view from the top

As I reflect…here are my “valleys” and “mountain tops” since arriving here in Africa:

Valleys (my 3 low points):

1. CAN I HAVE SOME MONEY? Realizing that a girl from Nebraska, unaccustomed to such disparity between rich and poor, has a lot to learn was a low point. After I gave a woman a few dollars for bread, she later asked me for $50 (for some strange job scheme for her boyfriend). I said “no” to this – thinking the “giving money thing” was done – but then she later asked for more “bread money.”

Determining real need is important. In the end she and I had a heart-to-heart conversation where I said in essence, “You are my friend and when I give you money it turns you into a beggar and me into a Sugar Mama. I will help you in other ways.”

The “Can I have some money” question is very tricky. Sometimes it’s good to give – I have so much and they have so little – but perpetuating a relationship of dependency is not so good. Generosity is one of my core values and I hate saying “no” as it is. I am learning the hard way to give only as the Spirit leads.

2. MICRO-LOAN MISTAKE: I have started small with some pre-micro-loan experiments. We have tried a “cake business” – with buying cakes from a wholesale bakery. Not a bad plan – but when I bought the cakes I quickly realized I have no inherent skills on choosing the “must have cakes of 2010” for the residents of Ocean View.

3. BALANCING: For the first few months, I felt utterly overwhelmed trying to be a good mom to two little girls who just had their world rocked, reasonable wife who was not seconds away from a complete and utter break-down, engaged student in the CPx program, friendly house-mate, involved team member in the community – blah, blah, blah. Many days I was a mediocre mother and crazed wife who was not doing my fair-share of house duties and didn’t yet have a place in the community.

Mountain tops (my 3 high points)…

1. BIBLE STUDY: The Bible study with several Ocean View women has been amazing. I feel a real heart connection with them, and it’s inspiring to see the discovery process of what His Love Letter is saying to us.

2. MAKING CONNECTIONS: Teaching at the high school this week has been a highlight, and I’m looking forward to starting the “Amazing African Women Film Society” after school club this coming Tuesday. I’m also going to be offering a computer class for women in Ocean View to teach them how to create a resume, post it online, and handle email (the first steps in finding a permanent job). Next weekend Karl and I will help with the Adventure Camp for the Ocean View high school student council members. We know we are doing exactly what we were meant to do!

3. ENJOYING MOTHERHOOD: Now that the “teaching” part of CPx is over, I can create a more normal routine for the girls. I really enjoy spending more time with them. Here are their latest statements:

Jensen
- “Mommy, you’re married to daddy and I’m going to marry Emme. ”
- “Girls wear polish and boys wear beards. ”
- “Watch this!” (it’s always some new way she can twist her arms in the air or a funky kind of skip or twirl).
- Me: “Jensen – I remember when you were a TINY baby – why did you have to get so big?” Jensen: “Mom! I wanted to TALK!” (that’s FOR SURE)

Emme
- “Uh oh!” (whenever she drops something she feels we should be excited about picking up for her)
- “Tank Ew” (“Thank you” when Jensen gives her a blanket)
- “Papa!” (she calls for Karl from her bed in the morning)

I've never been a quitter - but that day I came close. Despite the valleys - the mountain tops here in Africa are worth it!

See more photos of the hike: http://karlandjulie.com/photos_chapmanspeak.asp