Fear Itself - The Results: Part I

Let's talk about YOU!

I recieved about 30 surveys from women sharing their deepest, darkest fears. All told, I would say you are a pretty brave lot. Here are the results from some of the questions.

Note: I spoke at the retreat last weekend and it was great. I thought the other women who shared had some very insightful points. More on that later....

THE "FEAR ITSELF" SURVEY

What are some “brave” things you have done over the course of your lifetime?

- Drove through Chicago in rush hour...by myself.
- Apparently riding horses is brave! that has been my sport of choice since I was 10. I love it!
- Started CPR on a dying man 9.
- Jumped off a (40 ft) bridge into a lake.
- Gave media interviews about controversial political issues and allowed my name to be quoted.
- Spoke in front of large audiences of college students.
- Moved to NYC when I was 9 months pregnant with my 2nd child
- Decided to become a parent.
- Became my mom's conservator/guardian in my 20's when she could no longer care for herself due to the ravages of multiple sclerosis.
- Navigated through the world of special needs when my fourth child was born.
- Got counseling in my mid 20's when my parents divorced and being able to put aside my pride to admit that I needed help coping.
- Went to a refugee camp in Africa.
- Buying a house I wasn't sure we could afford.
- Deciding to have babies...and go through pregnancy and labor.
- Found my bio logical father and brothers and sisters.
- Got divorced and raise my son as a single mother (while dad playing Disneyland)
- Became a piolot - flying and successfully landing a plane.
- Getting my Masters degree.
- Started my own business.
- Moved to Vegas alone with less than $200.00 and only one suitcase containing everything I own.
- Went away to college.
- Parasailing.
- Confronting my boss about an affair I learned he was secretly having.
- I got married, had children and stayed married (this is not a joke!)
- White water rafting
- Confronted a pastor about not buying a car.
- Backpacked in bear country in Alaska.
- Moved several times to new states where I knew no one but my husband.
- SCUBA diving
- Mission trips to Kenya, Belize, Costa Rica, and Panama
- Quit job to embrace my calling to stay home and home school my children.
- Mothered a terminally ill child whom I loved as my own.
- Took fifteen 13 year old girls on a 2 week trip across the country (11 of which had their period at some point on the trip) maybe this was more NUTS than brave though.
- Being honest and open with others
- Fighting cancer with my best friend and then letting her go / helping raise my best friend's precious daugher sans best friend
- Keep attempting to do the right thing-regardless


What are your "Ultimate Fears?"
- The torture thing does it for me too.
- Having my child kidnapped and never knowing what happened.
- Not completing my goals.
- Not being patient with my children.
- My husband dying
- My kids dying
- Cancer or some other life altering disease that would rob me of my ability to be a wife and mom and stay independent.
- My kids being abducted and abused.
- Being homeless.
- Fire
- Car accidents
- Being destitute in any stage of life
- Drowning/not being able to breathe
- Failure. I haven't fallen down very often in life and so as the risks get bigger, the chances of failure are greater and are more public
- Being buried alive
- Failing at business
- Farting really loud in Yoga class and having no one around me to blame it on.
- Losing my teeth in a car accident
- Having someone throw hydrochloric acid in my face while I'm shopping for groceries
- Leaving my children motherless
- My husband dying a leaving me a single parent.
- Someone breaking into our house
- Something bad happening to my kids...you name it: injury, kidnapping, abuse, being bullied, not drinking enough milk, etc...
- Not having as much influence on my kids as the culture does. I fear them becoming self-centered, materialistic, shallow, and enamored with the world over Jesus.
- Missing God's purposes for my life because I let myself be too busy to hear His voice.
- That I will miss hearing God.
- With my mother having Alzheimer’s that I will develop it. And at times I might get a sensation in the head and then fear tries to enter in.
- Car accident.
- Not having enough money.
- Not having enough faith.
- Disappointing God.
- Outliving my body and my mind. (My grandmother lived to be 103 yrs. old.)
- Cancer recur.
- Being "alone"....not for a day or a week-end....but ALL the time.....as in elderly people.
- Not having enough money to live.
- Being paralyzed.
- Being terminally ill.
- Being confined to a wheelchair
- The unknowns of the future
- Destitution--although i have faced this and come through it so i need to get rid of that one no big deal:)
- Being fat
- Being unable to do adventurous things with my kids when they are adults


What are your "General Fears?"
- Not saving enough money for retirement.
- Home invasion (this is a fairly new one for me)
- I get laid off and we have no health insurance.
- Not having a good relationship with my kids when they are adults.
- Not making wise decisions.
- Not being healthy.
- Losing my friends
- Financial ruin - declaring bankruptcy.
- Mice.
- Looking back and regretting that I didn't do something, missed opportunities.
- Thunderstorms, lightening
- Doing speaking engagements
- Confronting our children when they are not following the Lord
- Parents in general don't parent anymore and we'll end up with generations of ill-mannered, selfish, entitlement-driven people who will ruin our country
- Stability at work/economy
- Health of my parents
- I struggle with a fear of abandonment since childhood. Also fear of man.
- Snakes
- My daughter losing the rest of her hearing and my husband and I not being fluent in Signed Exact English.
- Being a victim of a crime
- Failure
- Closed in places
- Heights
- Getting pulled over and having a warrant out for my arrest
- Someone who knows me will see me with my hair wet. I have very fine, thin hair and I look like a drown rat when my hair is wet.
- I don't spend enough 1:1 time with each of my children.
- I will grow old and will not have done everything I hope to do in life.
- Bees/wasps/hornets...an irrationally strong fear that I try to hide from the kids, but I'm usually less than successful.
- Finances...feeling like we're not saving enough for the future, both our retirement and the kids' college.
- Water...I never passed beginners in swimming lessons
- Kids or husband being in a car crash
- Water leaking into the basement
- My kids being harassed by peers
- Not being good enough, smart enough, patient enough etc.
- Being lost and lonely when my kids leave the nest
- Dying some kind of horrible death...i.e. a dreadful car accident.
- Not being a good enough wife/mom/daughter/sister/grandmother/mom-in-law/daughter-in-law, etc.
- Not being loving and compassionate enough. Growing old and bitter and grumpy because I didn't let God help me handle the challenges in my life in a positive way.
- Leaving a country that is so much less than the one I was born int
- Unexpected change not of my own choosing
- Living in a country w/out freedom
- Doing something incompetent at work
- Cancer
- Alzheimer’s
- Fear my life won't have meaning at a certain point....the way many of the elderly feel
- Drowning in an airplane disaster that happens over the sea
- Snakes
- Not educating my children the way God intended
- Being a widow
- Fnancial stupidity
- Losing my job
- My husband losing his job
- Having enough money for retirement
- Are my kids going to grow up and be upstanding citizens who choose to do the right things
- Not being healthy in my old age
- Something awful happening to my children.
- Not having enough money for retirement
- Losing my health, physically and mentally


What are your "Every Day Fears?"
- The furnace will go out before we have enough money to replace it.
- My child will not drink enough milk and will consequently be malnourished.
- My child learning her ABC's and numbers by the time she should know them.
- Getting the right home school material.
- That I'm wasting time.
- That my children will have their tantrums at inconvenient locations and times.
- That I won't get everything done I would like to.
- That I won't be sensitive to the Holy Spirit.
- Making a mistake and not looking perfect or put together.
- Not making enough money to get us through the next year.
- Car accidents
- Sicknesses
- Bills
- Somebody making fun of my deaf daughter
- Forgetting to pick up my child from school
- Safety of family and friends
- Gaining weight
- Running into my ex boyfriend on the elevator
- Hurting someone's feelings
- I won't get my credit card bills paid on time
- The phone will ring and that long list of to do's won't get done.
- I'll say the wrong thing
- Getting lost.
- Having dinner guests and the food turning out really awful.
- Mental lapses. What is this survey, and why am I taking it?? :-)
- Kids getting hurt (physically, emotionally or spiritually)(especially by others)
- Am I raising my kids right
- Getting old
- Watching my parents get old


What things have you done to overcome your fears?


- Quoted Bible scripture to myself.

- We have a pet snake and I was deathly afraid of them but I forced myself to adjust and acclimate to it. I slowly got near it then touched it then eventually held it for short periods. I now can hold it for a long time and am no longer afraid.

- Confiding in my husband

- Confiding in trusted friends

- Tried to approach things logically. what's the worst that could happen? what would my response be if that did happen? take preventative measures when appropriate. for example: in marriage, work at communicating regularly, set dates, discuss expectations prior to events, etc. all this helps keep the relationship on track.

- Keep moving forward - the risks and challenges get bigger and I know that I can get stuck if I let fear consume me. So I prioritize an action plan and move forward.

- I am very selective who I leave my children with - you can say I am as proactive as I can be.

- Pray

- I only go to yoga if there is someone next to me that looks like they fart a lot

- I take the stairs so I don't run into my ex boyfriend
- I wear protective head gear whilst driving

- Read books-knowledge to me is power.

- Counseling: to learn to let some of my fears go because they are out of my control.

- I came to realize that fear controlled me and that life is for living. I allowed fears real and imaginary to steal from me. But it was also something that God used to show himself to me and to learn to trust him.

- Confessed my fears to others and asked for prayer

- Positive self talk.

- Buried my head in the sand and tried not to think about it (not productive but helps me sleep at night)

- Stick with things that challenge me.

- Try to keep learning so I'll reach a level of excellence in my job that will give me more confidence.

- Pray

- Think about other things


What is one thing you would do if you were a little bit braver?

- Go back to school.
- Bungee jump
- Run for public office.
- I can't think of a thing. I'm pretty adventurous and will try just about anything.
- go Para sailing
- Go back to college get a degree in teaching
- Leave everything here and go live in Sudan
- Scuba dive (i know, it sounds stupid; but when you are a poor swimmer and petrified of not being able to breathe, i guess this activity is right up there!)
- I would step out and do what I think I hear God telling me to do even when it sounds ridiculous because it usually ends up being right, and I regret it later, but at the time I'm not brave enough to stick my neck out and trust that what I think I'm hearing from God is really Him. It's the whole fear of man thing.
- Streak naked across the football field during super bowl
- I would speak at a National Special Education Conference.
- Skydiving or scuba diving.
- Speak up more often as He leads.
- Learn Spanish so I could speak it fluently
- Jumping out of an airplane looks kind of like fun.
- Jump out of an airplane
- This is difficult for me to answer. I would like more boldness in areas... but I don't know about bravery. In fact, when I think of that word, the connotation to me is that I'm doing the work rather than Him. Less of me "trying to be brave" and the freedom that comes with complete submission of my life to Him.
- Do more socially, I tend to be a little socially awkward
- Be friends with my mom

See what I mean? You all were great!

Stay tuned for my next blog posting - "Fear Itself - The Results: Part II" - where we'll take a look at your thoughts from the survey on the difference between Fear, Worry and Concern - along with notes from my speech at the retreat.

If you have any thoughts on the survey results above - I'd love to hear from you. Please post a comment now (just click on the COMMENTS link below).